ARE YOU ADDICTED TO SPENDING?

It’s natural to want to avoid or resist difficult emotions. Some, we can push down for a while, but invariably they emerge again, often more painfully. There are a number of techniques people use at different times to hide from these emotions; alcoholic binges, self-harm, overeating, recreational drugs, and overspending.

Over time, maintaining these habits (or pacifiers) can lead to lots of debt. To come back from the brink we need to deal with the addiction first, then dealing the debt. Dealing with debt can make the road to recovery much harder. The path out of debt can be particularly traumatic for the over-spender, because the act of spending itself was supposed to make them feel better and resolve the problem.

In fact, there is even an equivalent of Alcoholics Anonymous for over spenders. It’s called Debtors Anonymous

5 SIGNS YOU MIGHT BE ADDICTED TO SPENDING:

1. You use money to escape from grief

A splurge or retail therapy can feel really good, it can deliver temporary relief from sadness, loss or traumatic experiences. It’s easy to justify an expensive trip if you ‘need’ to get away from the things that remind you of the past or jump to better times ahead.  

2. You use money for revenge

This is more common among married woman who spend to get back at their husbands for reasons perceived or real. Often, the purchases are never even worn or they get hidden in the closet and brought out later without comment. Less common, but men may resort to this behaviour too if they feel unappreciated.

3. You use money to alleviate guilt

Some people buy things or experiences to win forgiveness from someone they love and think they may have hurt. This is fairly common in parents if they feel guilty about not spending enough time with their kids.

4. You use money for company

People sometimes use money just for the distraction or the opportunity to talk to another person, even if it's a shop assistant. You might feel like you need an excuse to call a friend and get together for dinner, drinks or more.

5. You use money to overcome rejection

Setbacks and rejection are a part of life (albeit unwelcome). Most of the time we cope, but sometimes the feeling of rejection and loss of control can be overwhelming. Do you find yourself splurging to get a quick fix?

If you overspend emotionally once or twice, don’t panic. Forgive yourself and move on.

If you notice a pattern, you may be addicted to emotional spending.  

HOW TO TELL IF YOUR EMOTIONS DRIVE YOUR SPENDING

If you frequently buy stuff you don’t use or don’t need (even when you know that you can’t really afford it) you are spending emotionally, not healthily. To be fair, that symptom fits quite a few of my female friends!

WHAT CAN YOU DO ABOUT IT?

1. Track your spending and your emotional state

Note what you bought, how you felt when you bought it, and where you bought it from. Try to identify a pattern of emotion that triggers your spending.

2. Practice mindful spending

When you are about to buy something, stop and think. Listen to what your body is telling you. Tuning in to your core can often be enough to stop you spending emotionally.

3. Do or acquire something that’s free

Since emotional spending is about the experience or a trigger for happiness, look for ways to get the same feeling for free. Try connecting with people you care about, see a movie, cook dinner together. Human connection is a powerful drug.

If you recognise one or more of these signs in yourself, talk to a friend you trust. Depending on the severity of your emotional spending, it might be helpful to talk to a therapist. Or consider a support group like Debtors Anonymous.